To be honest from the start, this has been a very tough week for me. I just haven’t really felt like myself. When I see more suicides and discrimination like what has happened this week, my natural inclination is just to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over my head.
On Wednesday, I did just that. I was physically feeling so bad that I took a sick day from work and just slept. While this course of action provided temporary relief, I knew it would ultimately not solve the problem. I needed to take action. For me, action meant that I needed to take the necessary steps to get my health back on track and to trust that God would walk with me through any adversity that would come my way.
Just like Charlie Brown, whenever I feel called, I want to say ‘Why me God? I am certainly not the most qualified person for the job.’ I have learned over the years that being willing to help can be much more useful than being qualified but unable to help. And just as the voice answered to Charlie Brown, my name came up so now it is time for me to answer whatever the call might be.
We will never fully know how we touch people on a daily basis. This interaction can have a positive, neutral, or negative impact on someone’s life. We will also never know just who is praying for us. These wonderful people are praying for our life, our guidance, and our needs. So when I feel called and my name comes up, I can trust that I am doing what I am called to do.
Words cannot express how saddened I am by the recent suicides among the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered youth of today. While I know that this course of action has been happening as long as I can remember, I am actually happy about the amount of coverage this issue is finally receiving.
Being bullied in school is nothing new. Nor is being ostracized because you are or appear to be different from the rest. I can honestly say that I once thought of suicide as a means of escape. I couldn’t change what I was feeling but I seemed to be the only one who felt like this.
I accept the fact that we are all human and the world is a much different place today than it was in my youth. But, the one place where I thought I could find help, comfort, and guidance was the one place where I felt the most isolated. This place was my home church. I have extremely positive memories of my church but I also know what it is like to sit in a room full of Christians and feel completely alone.
Still to this day, when certain people tell me that my ‘lifestyle choice’ is due to some action on my part, I want to scream on the inside. Didn’t I sit on the same pew as you, hear the same sermons, and participate in the same youth trips? When did that old wonderful hymn change from ‘Just As I Am’ to ‘Only If You Become’?
Please understand, I am not angry or resentful, I merely wish to point out that we may not fully know the person who sits beside us every Sunday. But, God knows each of us by name and exactly who we are and who we are called to be.
My prayer today is to be of service using whatever skills I have to the best of my ability. All the while realizing that the gifts I have been given are on loan to me. Some times these gifts are on a use-it-or-lose-it basis. So, If I can help one person know that God does love them and you are welcome in church, my life will be complete. I think the best way to sum this up is with a hymn that speaks to me still today.
Jesus loves me this I know,
For the bible tells me so,
Little ones to him belong,
they are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus Loves Me
Yes, Jesus Loves Me
Yes, Jesus Loves Me
The bible tells me so.